Welcome back folks
Shadow is a term that gets a lot of airtime…but often it’s misunderstood, or feared and rejected…the irony!
So today I’m going to talk about what it is, and specifically, how it shows up in our lives, how it can impact our goals, dreams and relationships in a potentially negative, sometimes catastrophic way (dramatic, me?) but how having an awareness of and following that awareness the integration OF the shadow, is also the key factor in our greatest growth, expansion and evolution
So first of all, I’m aware that while I am slightly obsessed with the shadow aspects of our psyche, for many of you it can be a term that you’re not necessarily that familiar with, or that you perhaps perceive inaccurately, as pop culture has branded the shadow as our “dark side” or bad, wrong or evil. And that is not in fact, the case.
So what is shadow?
Well our favourite godfather of modern psychology, Carl Jung, defines or refers to the shadow as “the hidden, repressed, or unacknowledged parts of the human psyche”. (Society of Analytical Psychology)
Shadow is also understood to be the traits, desires, instincts, kinks and quirks that your conscious mind (or, ego) deems unacceptable, shameful, or even just the parts that don’t fit in with the constructed image you want to show to the world.
And contrary to what you might believe your shadow isn’t just made up of the negative perceived negative traits or aspects of you that you’ve hidden, rejected or repressed…things like anger jealousy or selfishness. But it also can incorporate the more perceived “positive” aspects too, like unexpressed potential, independence, emotional sensitivity, expertise, authority and creativity.
And the reason why any or all of these aspects, whether they are perceived negatively or positively, can arrive in our shadow is because we will hide whatever parts of ourselves that received disapproval from caregivers in our childhood and adolescence, in order for us to feel safe and accepted by our tribe.
So for instance when talking about a perceived negative aspect of our self like anger, we may have been admonished or disapproved of for expressing anger as a child, even though anger is a really healthy part of the range of human emotions. So we may have understood that when we showed ourselves to be angry that we were pushed away, or disapproved of, or shamed, and so then we perceive our anger to be a “bad” part of ourselves that we need to reject, and hide in our shadow
But equally, perhaps there was a confident, outgoing, proud, (in the best possible sense) version of you as a child who showed up in their fullness, in their largesse, in their confidence…
And perhaps it was perceived as precocity or showing off, or being too much, and you were shamed for showing up in this way. Told to tone it down. God forbid you actually enjoy or revel in your fullness!
And it made you feel that in order to stay safe and to be loved and accepted that you needed to stay quiet not show your confidence not show your flare creativity or whatever else it might have been.
So if you were to look back over your childhood, and reflect, where may you have accumulated these parts of your shadow? Can you see the aspects of you that make you feel shame?
Projection
If you are having a hard time trying to understand where your shadow or what is in your shadow, take a look at where you find yourself judging others. Where you are judging traits in others or where you find yourself triggered by certain behaviours coming from other people, because this is often where your shadow aspects are hiding.
You could be seeing the parts of yourself that you have rejected in others, and it makes you feel very uncomfortable, angry, resentful.
Let’s go into why we avoid looking at our shadow aspects and why we would rather keep them hidden away.
Well, first of all, we are so desperate to stay safe loved and accepted, that we don’t even want to acknowledge the parts of ourselves that we’ve put in our shadow. Avoiding our shadow also allows us to protect our ego and the image that we have created of ourselves.
The problem is, however, that this constant avoidance can cost us dearly. It can cost us in psychological energy which can lead to masking, burnout, overwhelm.
But also cost us in ways like self sabotage, where we consciously want something, but we are so afraid of our shadow being seen that we will not allow those desires to come into fruition. Protecting our shadow will always win over exposure.
Carl Jung wrote “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Because our unacknowledged and unintegrated shadow aspects are like a program on your computer running in the background, that you’re unaware of, and you can’t understand why these pop-ups suddenly appear out of nowhere, in the form of triggers, emotional outbursts, resentment and fear
The alchemical view of shadow
When we are considering the shadow in the context of spiritual alchemy, the shadow is not the enemy. It’s not something to be perceived as a negative.
What it actually is is the “Prima Materia” a.k.a. the raw, base metal that we need, in order to create gold from.
So it’s not something that we need to destroy because then we end up with nothing. What it is is this rich source of information and untapped potential that we must alchemise and integrate to allow gold to come through.
The physical alchemical stages of turning base metal into gold, mirror exactly the spiritual alchemical stages of turning shadow into wholeness.
Stage One, Negredo (the blackening)
This is where shadow work begins. It is the necessary but very uncomfortable descent into the darkness where you allow yourself to confront your hidden rejected traits, traumas, fears. It is raw. It is messy and it’s uncomfortably real.
Stage Two, Albedo (the whitening)
This is the process of being able to see your shadow and washing away the projections and perceptions of what is bad and what is good and the rigidity of the bad ratio. It’s recognising that those parts that that you rejected or despised are actually just neutral parts of being a human.
Stage three, Rubedo (the reddening)
This is the final stage. Integration. Where that strength and power of the shadow is transformed from something heavy and hidden into something accepted, honoured and integrated, creating the fuel and the pathway to your fully authentic, whole self.
This is where your spiritual evolution starts to take shape.
Where to start/how to begin
I’ve got bad news for you (sorry) but to begin the alchemical process of integrating your shadow, you’re going to need to start by looking at exactly where you are triggered.
Those emotional triggers are your prima material they are the raw base metal that is leaking into your conscious life
Stage one Negredo. Breaking it down and identifying.
1. Track your triggers.
For a beginner, this might be the easiest start point.
Your shadow often hides behind your strongest negative reactions to other people, so it’s helpful to identify someone who deeply irritates angers or disgusts you, or who elicits a response in you that feels like jealousy or envy.
Then write down the exact trait that is bothering you. Eg. “they are selfish”, “they love attention”, “they think they know it all”.
And ask yourself in what ways do I exhibit this trait myself or where am I restricting myself from doing something similar?
2. Projection
This is where the world is your mirror.
Where are your repetitive complaints about the world? Eg. “Nobody respects my boundaries”, “everyone is so incompetent or lazy”, “people are so fake or superficial”
Now reverse the statement to expose the shadow. Eg “Where am I abandoning my own boundaries, or ignoring other people’s boundaries”
Once you reverse the statement and uncover the shadow truth, you immediately move from blaming others to active inner alchemy. You don’t punish yourself for this realisation; you use it to change your behaviour.
3. Overcompensation
Your shadow can also and is often found in the exact opposite of your conscious persona…eeep.
So identify your proudest identity. Eg. “Im always the reliable, nice one”
Then, underneath that, you may have to dig deeper, to uncover the repressed shadow aspect. In this case, that might be resentment, or the desire to be irresponsible, even anger at being that person.
There’s nothing wrong with any of this. It’s acknowledging that this hidden “unreliable” version of you carries the choice for the boundary setting energy that you actually need.
This is phase one. I’ll be back for Shadow Part Two, to go through the second phase of the alchemical process: Albedo: The Whitening.
See you soon! xx
How is this showing up in your daily life, or in the realisation of your dreams, goals, desires?