MUM GUILT

This one’s for all the mums out there.

Let’s talk about mum guilt. That horrible feeling that you’re failing. That you’re fucking up your kids. That heavy, nagging feeling that you’re never doing enough. The queasy feeling of guilt that you fed them chicken nuggets three nights in a row, (and they wouldn’t eat ANYTHING GREEN) or because you had to work late, or miss a harvest festival performance again, or because you just needed five frikking minutes to BREATHE and regulate your own nervous system. So you let them watch 15 episodes of The Simpsons .

DO YA KNOW WHAT IM SAYINNNNN

That inner voice whispering (or screaming):
“You should be doing more.”
“You should be more patient.”
“You should enjoy every moment.”
“You should…” (fill in the blank).

Here’s my hot take on the “SHOULD”s. I say it ALOT In my circles.
Should is just could with shame on it.

Every time you tell yourself you should, you’re layering guilt and shame on top of what’s already a pretty demanding gig. Motherhood isn’t a job; it’s three full-time jobs wrapped in a trench coat pretending to be one person who has her shit together. And newsflash: no one has their shit together all the time. Especially not the mums you think do. You see their highlight reel, not their Tuesday-night meltdown in the bathroom.

GUILT IS TOTALLY USELESS - it’s such an energetic DRAIN.

Let’s get one thing straight: guilt doesn’t serve anyone.
Not you. Not your kids. Not the woman next door whose cupcakes always look suspiciously perfect.

Guilt is a wasted emotion. It feels like you’re doing something productive (“Look at me! I feel guilty! I must be a good mum!”), but it actually keeps you stuck. Stuck in shame, stuck in comparison, stuck in exhaustion.

And it doesn’t change anything. Guilt doesn’t make you a better mum. It makes you a more tired, more resentful, more disconnected mum. And you know what? Your kids don’t need a guilty, run-down, frazzled version of you. They need you. Real, messy, human you. The mum who knows when to press pause and take a breath.

Here’s something to chew on, which I HOPE will release you from your guilt.

Your kids won’t treat themselves the way you treat them.
They’ll treat themselves the way you treat yourself.

Read that again. Slowly. I know. LIGHTBULB MOMENT.

If you run yourself ragged, never stop, and carry the weight of mum guilt like it’s some kind of badge of honour, guess what they’re learning? They’re learning to ignore their own needs. To think that being constantly exhausted is normal. That they don’t matter as much as everyone else.

But when you say, “I need a minute,” or “I’m resting because I matter too,” or “I’m going to work now because I want to provide for our family and I have dreams that deserve to be followed,” they see a different way. A healthier way. They see balance. Boundaries. Self-respect.

YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH!

Here’s your permission slip (YOU ARE WELCOME) :

You can only do what you can do.
Some days, that might look like home-cooked meals, craft projects, and peaceful bedtime stories.
Other days? It’s frozen pizza, ten minutes of hiding in the loo, and telling your kids, “It’s time to entertain yourselves for a bit.”

Both are valid. Both are motherhood. Both are enough.

If you need to work to support your family, that doesn’t make you a bad mum. It makes you a provider.
If you need alone time to recharge, that doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you sane.
And if you’re modelling that it’s okay to prioritise your health—mental, emotional, physical—you’re teaching your kids something far more valuable than any Pinterest-perfect lunchbox.

COMPARISON IS A F**KER

Comparison is such a bitch. I know you compare yourselves because I have done it too and sometimes catch myself at it still now!

BUT you don’t know what goes on behind anyone else’s closed doors.
You don’t know if that mum at school drop-off who looks put together is fighting a crippling insecurity or anxiety.
You don’t know if the one whose kid wins everything is up at night worrying she’s not doing enough.
You don’t know. And it doesn’t matter.

You’re not here to be them. You’re here to be you.

So drop the guilt. Leave it in 2024. Burn it if you have to.
Start asking yourself:
“What do I need right now?”
“How can I show myself kindness today?”
“What would I tell my best friend if she were feeling this way?”

Give yourself grace. Give yourself breaks. Give yourself credit.

Motherhood was never meant to be martyrdom. It’s HARD! And it’s really all about LOVE. Love for them and for yourself.

Give yourself a break guys. You are doing an amazing job DOING THE BEST YOU CAN! xxxxx